I love this poem! It’s all about Daring To Be Happier ….
I will not die an unlived life.
I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire.
I choose to inhabit my days,
to allow my living to open me,
to make me less afraid,
more accessible,
to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing,
a torch, a promise.
I choose to risk my significance;
to live so that which came to me as seed goes to the next as blossom
and that which came to me as blossom, goes on as fruit.
By Dawna Markova
Filed under Encouraging, happiness, Inspiring, Nuturing
I have had the wonderful privilege of being a mother – at times a great mother, at times a less than totally positive role model, and at other times, a downright failure as a mum when I focussed too much on my own problems and not enough on their needs.
It’s possibly the most difficult job in the world – and it comes with no handbook to guide you as each child would need their own personalised book anyway.
You learn on the job, and you learn from your mistakes. Yet sometimes because of me, and sometimes despite me, my four children have grown to be adults I am immensely proud of, and I spent this Mother’s Day with three of them at various stages of the day, and with my sister-of-choice and her daughter and fiance. I was given beautiful cards, flowers, and butterflies, candles and little books. Little gifts that mean the world to me because they come from the heart.
It’s the gifts that come with love attached that are the memorable ones. Yesterday, my youngest daughter treated me to lunch in a local hotel that’s been wonderfully refurbished; the Dumfries Arms in Cumnock is now well worth a visit! Jenni’s a student, with little spare money, so I really appreciated the fact she wished to spend some of it on me; I appreciated our time together as much.
The last time she did this, she was almost 12; and it remains one of my favourite memories. Unknown to me, she had gone without school dinners and saved her pocket money for weeks, (and did some classroom trading by buying sweets up the street and them selling them on for a profit), to get enough money to take me for lunch. Proud as punch, she took me to the lovely Failford Inn and told me I could have whatever I wanted (while secretly hoping I’d not go for the most expensive item), but then she didn’t know that mums know exactly what to do at times like these.
We spent time talking about that Mother’s Day Lunch – and how relieved she had been when I offered to buy the drinks and when I turned her offer of dessert down as I was “too full.” I doubt if there was a prouder, happier daughter that particular day – or a prouder, happier mum for that matter, given what she’d done to get me there.
My eldest daughter gave me one of my other memorable gifts. It came all the way from Korea where she was teaching English. I still have the little red box that had once held sweets, with its little handmade packets in it, each with a handwritten note.
Coffee beans:
“Coffee represents the energizing effect you have on me. You encourage me to follow my dreams. You also remind me that no-one ever remembers “weak coffee.”
A bag with a little silver leaf necklace:
” The leaf represents memories. Firstly, leaves remind me of how much you love autumn – particularly walking through the fallen leaves. Secondly they remind me of the docken leaf and its healing powers. I know how you’ve tried to protect me; but sometimes the nettle loves to sting me so I can learn my lesson. Finally, it represents me. I was attached to yu, but will always have part of you with me, no matter where life takes me. ” Autumn is a second spring where every leaf is a flower.” ” Our Lord has written the promise of the resurrection, not in books alone, but in every leaf in spring.” I will always remember my mum.”
A tealight:
” The candle represents the light you seek me to seek. You are like a candle. You set others alight. You ignite passion. You raise the heat. Did you know that each candle raises the temperature of a room by one degree? “A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.” “It’s better to light a candle than curse the darkness.” You would always choose the candle. You are a positive influence.”
A four leaf clover:
“The four leaf clover represents luck. Sometimes we have to find our own luck. “Luck ain’t even lucky. Got to make your own breaks.”
A small lens cleaner:
“If you ever find happiness by hunting for it, you will find it, as the old woman did her lost spectacles, – safe on the end of her nose.” This glasses cleaner represents my gratitude for you teaching me to be grateful for what I have. Also for teaching me to see things clearly – from all viewpoints.”
A tiny paper clip:
“This clip represents the stability you help me retain. You help me hold everything together when times are tough.”
A black plastic ring:
“This ring represents our unity as mother and daughter. Our bond is never-ending. The colour black absorbs light. You always want me to look for the light – like a mole.” (referring to my poem The Mole in the Hole Who Lost Sight in the Light)
It cost pennies to make, but what price the love behind it? It remains one of my most cherished gifts. I think you can see why I know I am blessed.
On Saturday, I popped out to do some very necessary food shopping – and was nearly run over several times by trolleys pushed by people intent on buying flowers and chocolates for Mother’s Day, and oblivious to everything else. Harassed and harried, they didn’t see other shoppers, were rude to the assistants, and so many failed to have consideration for others around them. It was as good a day for trolley rage as I’ve seen. Standing back, I wondered if their mums would have been proud of the way they were shopping, and figured I’d much rather have nothing than have what was bought for me bought out of duty or after making others unhappy or angry.
Mother’s Day; it’s the one day in the year that a card really means more than a gift anyway. The day we celebrate mums or those who have nurtured us. I’d spent the previous weekend with my own mum, who is also known as Mrs Doyle for her persistent hospitality and offers of tea. I was able to ask her many questions about her childhood, a childhood spent in poverty and fear of a violent alcoholic father. It explained so much; her inability to sit down and relax (because her father never allowed anyone to relax, or read, they must always be working). It explained her anxiety and worry, and feelings of inferiority that at time I’ve been frustrated with; I now have compassion for that child who didn’t really have a childhood. I watched her at dinner and saw how red her hands were, from constant cleaning and from caring for others in a way that no-one really ever cared for her. And I can tell you now that I am so grateful that she is my wonderful imperfect, ever loving and supportive mum, and that I still have her with me, where many of my friends found Sunday such a difficult day because their mothers are no longer here.
Mother’s Day is, as one of my friends wrote, her birthed-me day; how can I not be grateful? What gifts can we give that ever repay a mother’s unconditional love? None that I can think of that merit trolley rage, only pride, joy and happiness.
Filed under Encouraging, happiness, Love
Happy St Patrick’s Day – surely the best day of the year to post this wonderful, magical poem by John O’Donohue.
Beannacht, which means Blessing.
May you be blessed in reading it, or in listening to him reading it.
On the day when the weight deadens
on your shoulders and you stumble,
may the clay dance to balance you.
And when your eyes freeze behind
the grey window and the ghost of loss
gets in to you, may a flock of colours,
indigo, red, green, and azure blue
come to awaken in you a meadow of delight.
When the canvas frays in the currach of thought and a stain of ocean blackens beneath you,
may there come across the waters
a path of yellow moonlight
to bring you safely home.
May the nourishment of the earth be yours, may the clarity of light be yours,
may the fluency of the ocean be yours,
may the protection of the ancestors be yours.
And so may a slow
wind work these words
of love around you,
an invisible cloak
to mind your life.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZhMCBnwS220&feature=youtube_gdata_player
Filed under Uncategorized
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight. ~Phyllis Diller
You have to see happiness to spread happiness – and I just love Ruth Kaiser’s vision because she knows that happiness is always right in front of your eyes. Spontaneous Smiley’s are everywhere – start looking for them. I’m delighted that Ruth has written this guest post for me.
I just overheard the conversation of a group of young people talking about how their lives had changed since they’d graduated. No more Halloween Parades or Pajama Days or field trips. Oh, did I forget to mention, they were graduates of Elementary school.
Do we have to stop going on field trips when we leave 5th grade? I don’t think I want to go along with that; it seems like a crazy restriction. How about we all decide to institute fieldtrips for grown ups?! Remember how you got to poke around and ask endless questions. I’m not ready to close the door on that kind of fun.
Last week before I even had this idea, I was talking to a guy I hardly knew and without really planning to, I invited myself to come to his job site. A great big construction site with tons of cool equipment! I’d like to poke around and ask a bunch of questions (And for sure I’d find a bunch of Smileys!).
I promised to wear a hard hat and follow the rules, and that I’d understand if he couldn’t say yes, but if I could visit, I really, really want to come, I’d even bring snacks and did I mention I’d promise to follow all the rules?
The guy seemed a little startled at first, but then I could see the idea growing on him. As we talked about the details he started listing all the cool stuff he would show me. It’s almost like I’d invited him to show off. Who wouldn’t like to be given permission to show off?
I think everybody should get to go on field trips AND get to lead field trips. It’s totally a win-win situation. As attendee you get to explore. As a host you get to show someone else what you do with your days.
Think what we could learn about each other, how much more we would understand them, if we understood how they spent their days. I am often struck by how little we know about even our closest friends. It’s a pleasant surprise to learn new things about them:
“When I was in a rodeo . . .”
“What?! You were in a rodeo?”
Here’s to having the gumption to ask for a field trip the next time someone tells you something that peaks your interest! Me, I went to the Firehouse and asked if I could look around!
Smile. Be happy.
Ruth
LEARN MORE ABOUT RUTH’S SPONTANEOUS SMILEY PROJECT:
ABOUT www.spontaneoussmiley.com
KIDS’ BOOK: www.tinyurl.com/3c2qyd6
KIDS’ SONG: www.spontaneoussmiley.com/themesong.htm
TED Talk: www.vimeo.com/26190208
BLOG: www.blog.spontaneoussmiley.com/?cat=4
FBk: www.facebook.com/ruth.kaiser
FBk group: www.facebook.com/groups/SpontaneousSmiley/
SMILE-A-THON: www.spontaneoussmiley.com/smileathon.htm
TWITTER: SpontaneSmiley
XmasSong youtu.be/LAKZfZ5BZtU
A Video from a Smiley Fan: http://youtu.be/gHcOUBXHqsU
Filed under Encouraging, happiness, Inspiring, Uncategorized
I’m an excellent time manager. I’m lucky as it seems to come naturally to me, though I’ve learned lots of tools & techniques over the years. Perhaps all that time juggling life with looking after four children who were aged five and under was really the best “school” I ever went to!
One of my friends thinks I have a Time Tardis, and another thinks I have 48 hours in my day. I have neither, of course, and I’ve written previously that these comments do not necessarily mean what I’m doing is right. Or even good for me or others around me. Having lived a life juggling so many things and wearing so many hats, this year is an adventure in slowing time down, doing less and learning to just BE.
But I thought I’d share my top time management tip with you, one I’m learning myself this year. It’s powerful and you have no idea how much time, energy and effort you will save. And here it is.
Other people’s business is none of my business.
Simples.
Filed under Encouraging, Inspiring, Love, Nuturing
Try to learn to breathe deeply, really to taste food when you eat, and when you sleep really to sleep. Try as much as possible to be wholly alive with all your might, and when you laugh, laugh like hell. And when you get angry, get good and angry. Try to be alive. You will be dead soon enough.
By William Saroyan
Filed under Encouraging, happiness, Inspiring, Love, Nuturing
Learn to enjoy every minute of your life. Be happy now. Don’t wait for something outside of yourself to make you happy in the future. Think how really precious is the time you have to spend, whether it’s at work or with your family. Earl Nightingale
Ever found that you’ve got from one end of a month to the other and not really remembered what happened in between 1 and 31? We live our lives all too often in either a blur or a daze, but have you ever stopped to think that the life that you know now – the one you are living right now – could change instantly?
Whether it’s really bad, or really good, things will change, either because of tragedy, because we live a life of cycles and ebb and flow, or because changes over time add up and then you get to a point where it’s too late to change things back, if at all. (That’s often where relationships break down, because you can’t begin to untangle the steps that got you to where you no longer love this person in front of you, or even sometimes, like them).
Nothing is permanent. Our normal lives can change through our choice or factors completely beyond our control, yet we live them as if all will be the same tomorrow and the next day, and the next. We stop living in the moment and stop paying attention to what brings us joy, not realising whatever we are doing right now could be the last time we ever do that thing. The “little happiness” and the “present moment” are things I’m learning about, and lately I’ve been thinking about all those other things we take for granted that bring us happiness or contentment that might not just be part of our lives the next day. The things I take for granted. Especially the things I take for granted.
Whatever you’re doing today, whatever brings you joy and happiness – enjoy! Stop long enough to enjoy it by being fully present – not while sitting on a computer, not while ironing or cleaning or cooking or working. This isn’t about being maudlin; it’s about appreciating what we have while we still have it. It could, after all, be the last time you ever:
My daughter is just about to make the very difficult decision to pull out of university until they figure out what is wrong with her health. Knowing she would be unable to graduate, she realised she was sitting in what was possibly her last ever lecture. It made her stop, slow down and notice all she hadn’t noticed before, to store it away in her memory bank. Most of us never get this chance. More often than not, we don’t know we are doing something for the last time. We either miss its absence at some point in the future, or the change comes with no warnings, no fanfares, and life as you know it is no longer the same. You will hopefully get comfortable with a new normality or learn to live in a new way – but perhaps it’s time to see the little happiness, live in the present moment. It’s time to pay attention. Now.
What would you miss tomorrow if it was taken away today?
Filed under authenticity, Encouraging, happiness, Inspiring, Love, Personal development
2010 was my year of Finding My Voice – and to help me, I joined Toastmasters, an organisation aimed at helping anyone find their voice, or find confidence in speaking in public. I found I only had difficulty speaking in public where my emotions were involved, and I wanted to learn how to speak without my voice catching, without tears… and found that sometimes, tears are what you need to express anyway, and people connect to your story. Your Toastmasters Introductory talk is about yourself, to ease you in gradually as most people can talk about themselves easily enough. Here’s what I said.
If life is a tapestry, then mine is one woven with words.
As a cross-stitcher, I follow a pattern so that stitch by stitch, a picture is revealed, on one side at least. The other side is a jumble of colours and textures, of darkness and light. MY tapestry is different – it’s been over 40 years in the making, and there’s been no pattern to follow, yet as I look at what is completed, I can see themes emerge nonetheless. And I can see that it isn’t perfect, but it’s still turning into something wonderful.
My tapestry has all the colours of the rainbow in it, from the pastel background words like housework, commute, sleep, dinner (for six or more), school runs and work, to the basic greens and blues of any landscape. The greens are those of farms, market gardens and the joy of growing up on the edge of an Irish country estate, to the blues of something borrowed/something blue, the azure blue of the Maldives and the ever-changing blues of sailing on Strangford Lough.
There are the misty grey colours of boredom, frustration, illness and injury – when perhaps the tapestry has been set down for a while before being picked up again.
Here and there, too, are accent colours of the white of words like hope, and change through to the black and white of fundamentalism and growing up in the Troubles, to the deep dark night blackness of words like depression, divorce, despair.
Throughout, you can see the candy-striped words of four-kids-in-five-years, books, moving to Scotland with new words like puddock and spicket, and the words that weave in and through each other, like daughter, mother, sister, wife, friend, employee, manager, coach, writer, poet, judge.
All my life, I’ve loved words. I don’t ever remember learning to read. One of my earliest memories is sitting on the little chair my dad made for me in front of the one radiator in the hall that heated the rest of the house, thrilled because I had a new book to me, and oblivious to people walking around me to get to their rooms.
By the time I was in Primary 4, I had exhausted the school library, and my teacher Mr Leckey, would cycle a 10 mile round trip to bring me books from the public library once a week.
By the time I was 14, I’d read Anne Frank’s diary and Mein Kampf, much of Agatha Christie, H G Wells and Hitchcock’s work, and I’d fallen in love with Shakespeare, Churchill, Dickens, James Joyce and the War Poets.
Which is not to say I didn’t read the books of childhood like Milly Molly Mandy and Billy Bunter; and I WAS George in the Famous Five, Nancy Drew in her mysteries, Anne of the Green Gables – and a hobbit. When the Lord of the Rings came to the cinema, I held my breath to see if it lived up to my imagination – and found unbelievably, that it did. And later, when the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe came out, I found I had tears in my eyes as Lucy found the wardrobe and found the entrance to Narnia, having so often tried to find that myself.
A few years ago, I went to the little museum in the Leadhills in Ayrshire, and I sat in the library there at the end of the tour, surrounded by books while a soundtrack played. A lead miner, in poverty and on a pittance, was explaining why he wanted to borrow one of the precious books there, knowing he would read while exhausted, by candlelight, in a hovel that dripped water. He swore to keep the books spotlessly clean, so he could educate himself and change his future, and provide his children with a different life. And when he spoke of why he wanted to read, and talked of how a book smelled and felt to him, I would again have tears in my eyes as I found a kindred spirit speaking to me down through the years.
Always, I’ve HAD to read. And when the children were very small and I was also looking after my husband’s elderly aunt, I would creep to the bathroom – the only door with a lock on it – just to read a paragraph of a book, and find my space.
And then in 2000, it all stopped. After several years when I should have left my marriage but felt paralysed by financial and cultural constraints, and when the words I used were reduced to those like whisper, silence and invisibility, I finally took the decision to walk towards love and happiness. I needed all my energy to build a new life and social circle, settle into a new job so I could provide for the children, and make a new home. And I found I could not read, outside of what I had to do to survive. For almost a year, I could not read a magazine, a newspaper – or a recipe. At times I wondered if I would ever love words again, but once I’d remembered who I was, I did.
So my reading material changed – to lecturers notes, business books on human resource management, finance and strategy, as I worked at night to get my degree. Then as I moved on in the workforce, words like policies, contracts, Acts of Parliament and Statutory Instruments and minutes of Senior Team Meetings became my reading material, introducing lots of new words to my tapestry.
In 2002, I read Cheryl Richardson’s Stand Up For Your Life; and I realised words could change lives as I learned how to stand up for MY life, start to find my own voice again and use it, and with that, came the ability to write poems and books and letters and emails of encouragement.
2005 saw the words around NLP – Neuro Linguistic Programming – introduced, as I became a Master practitioner and an Eriksonian Hypnotherapist – and realised fully the power of words to enslave or change easily.
Still, there would be uphill words like depression, stress and exit interviews, and downhill words like flow, and strength, confidence and joy, as well as new words like “the truth, the whole truth,” and “desert simpliciter.”
And you will also see the gold and silver that highlight my story. Words like:
“It’s a boy,” “it’s a girl” – twice..
“Enough is enough, grievance and chief executive, and tribunal”
“I do – I very much do” to Lee when I married him. And if you listened carefully, you would hear words like joyful weeping when our guests heard him promise to cherish his new family, name by name.
If you could see my tapestry, you’d see words like “What Would You See, If You Dared To Be Free” – a poem of hope, published for charity. You’d see a Book Club I formed at work, to get me to read other genres and come across wonders like “A Thousand Splendid Suns.”
And you’d see Facebook and words like connection, and the use of written communication – but you’d also see Toastmasters, a tool that will increase my ability to verbally communicate my words to you all
Filed under Uncategorized
”Boundaries don’t keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That’s how we’re made. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them.” Meredith Grey
At the outset of 2012, as usual, my “themes” and words for the year were clear – miracles, slowing down, letting go. January was an amazing month in all these areas – yet, as usually happens, a month in and that’s already changing. It happens. I’m not forgetting the original aims, but I know now to be flexible and change as other things appear (often because you start to work on the other areas). “Suddenly,” the issue of boundaries appeared. It had been there, lurking – but it seemed to be a major theme for a number of my friends for 2012. I was interested to see how they would learn to do set or maintain boundaries, but I knew it wasn’t one of my themes.
And the Universe laughed – because of course it turned out that it was actually something I would need to consider this year, and I realised that because of the reaction I had to a particular blog – a reaction mirrored by one of my friends who already knew this was one of her themes.
For a while now, she’s wanted an allotment, a necessary tool for her in so many ways, but when she found out she’d got one, the critical thing appeared not to be what she planted in it – but the limits of the allotment. She felt she needed to get her boundaries defined, not just of her own allotment, but it seemed that all those with allotments in that area “had” to define the wider area too, by planting trees. This was such an important issue I knew that on a soul level, boundaries must be important to her, and so it turned out. I sent her the link that I sent many friends, a blog that seemed to resonate with so many people in different ways – and I laughed when I got her response, because it was such an unexpectedly strong response; a response that had mirrored mine.
While she could absolutely see where the blogger was coming from AND her need to say what she had said, and do what she did in setting very clear boundaries in all areas of her life, she still felt that she was a “selfish cow,” in putting her own needs before others. I understood her reaction, and I laughed because I’d almost had the same reaction. And we both understood, because we’ve been there before on other issues, that such a vehement reaction meant that there were lessons in there that we needed to learn.
Reading the blog was perfect timing for me, as for a number of reasons, I was moving swiftly to full blown martyr syndrome about all I needed to do around the house, about what I seemed to be required to do in my job, and about certain friendships that were more about taking rather than giving. As a result of reading it, I was able to re-establish some boundaries, re-define others, and set some new ones (making it clear respectfully what I expected going forward), and found I did so more easily than I expected. And I honoured and nurtured myself in the process, so I could easily answer my inner critic when she tried to send me on a guilt trip 
There are so many boundaries I feel it makes sense to protect – my time, my resources, my values and beliefs, my plans, how I spend my time, and who I spend that with, as well as the messages I choose to listen to; but more interestingly, I’m finding that I’m actually challenging long held boundaries, to see if those beliefs are still true to me. Boundaries protect us in so many ways, and make life simpler because we know where we are with them, and we know what we cross. So much of what I do or don’t do is around what my parents thought or what society thinks – ways of being that may have been useful at a time, but now limit my life. Much of my life was lived with boundaries of orange and green, fundamental and “other”, and I know this is not how I wish to live now.
It’s my life, and that means it’s MY boundaries that matter, as long as I hold to the principle of “do no harm.” So better late than never, I’m figuring out what they might actually be.. and where I might need to put my toe over any I currently have, and start crossing those that no longer serve me ;-)
What boundaries might you need to re-evaluate, re-define – or cross?
Namaste
Filed under authenticity, Encouraging, happiness, Inspiring, Love, Nuturing
